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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 04:15
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Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
It\'s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I\'m going to miss mine by just a few days.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
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Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
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What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
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We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
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The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
After I\'m dead I\'d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Everywhere I go I\'m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don\'t stifle enough of them.
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is \'to be prepared\'.
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
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Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
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To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Heav\'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn\'d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn\'d.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
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The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
Why don\'t you write books people can read?
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
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The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Honolulu, it\'s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife\'s mother.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
If you can\'t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you\'d best teach it to dance.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
I am not young enough to know everything.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
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Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Barab?si\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ? whether it is correct or not.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I\'m going to miss mine by just a few days.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
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Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
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My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
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Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
I\'m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let\'s start with typewriters.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
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Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
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I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
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Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
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It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
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The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
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Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
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Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
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A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
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In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
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Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
If you can\'t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you\'d best teach it to dance.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
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First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
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Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
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I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/16/(Mon) 11:17
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